Drinking to Cope With Stress? Why It’s So Common for Women (and What Actually Helps)
- Amy C. Willis
- Apr 24
- 6 min read
If you’ve been drinking to cope with stress, you’re not alone.
More and more women are reaching for alcohol at the end of the day. It's not because they lack discipline but because the pressure they’re carrying is real.
Between paid work outside the home, unpaid work inside the home, emotional labour, and the constant mental load, there is often no clear off-switch. And certainly no real or sustained break from the numerous demands.
So when the day finally ends, your brain looks for relief.
And alcohol is everywhere, normalized and socially encouraged plus its marketed in such a way that it's positioned as the solution for women. The thing to look to to take the edge off and get that much needed break.
I've been speaking, writing and educating on this for years of how common it has become.
But if you’ve been drinking to cope with stress and finding that it’s not actually helping long-term, there is a reason for that.
Why Women Are Drinking to Cope With Stress
Women are experiencing higher levels of sustained stress and burnout than ever before.
Not occasionally. Consistently.
And alcohol has been culturally positioned as a way to manage it:
wine to unwind
you deserve it
mommy wine culture
It is normalized and when something goes through the normalization process, we no longer think to question it. It's gotten to the point where a drink at the end of a hard day or week is expected.
So instead of asking whether it is actually helping, many women default to what feels familiar. And what so many around them are doing.
Drinking to cope with stress becomes less of a conscious choice and more of an automatic response.
Why Alcohol Feels Like It Works
Alcohol creates a temporary shift by disrupting brain chemistry.
It can temporarily:
take the edge off
quiet your thoughts
help you feel more relaxed in the moment
That initial effect reinforces the habit.
But it does not last.
And what follows is where the real problem begins.
Why Drinking to Cope With Stress Makes It Worse
Our brains and bodies try to return to homeostasis so we end up rebounding into often higher rates of anxiety and stress than before we started drinking to deal with it.
Alcohol does not reduce stress. Consuming alcohol actually increases cortisol production. It changes your state temporarily and then creates a rebound effect.
Over time, drinking to cope with stress can lead to:
increased anxiety
disrupted sleep
lower mood
reduced resilience
So the pattern becomes: stress → drink → temporary relief → worse stress → repeat
If you have ever noticed feeling more anxious the next day after drinking, this is part of the cycle.
Why This Pattern Keeps Repeating
This is where things start to feel frustrating.
You might tell yourself you are not going to drink tonight.
But by the time evening hits:
you are exhausted
your decision-making, motivation and will power reserves are depleted
you want relief
So you drink.
Not because you do not care.
Because your brain is reaching for the fastest way to feel better. And with time, it's likely that your brain developed an association between alcohol and relief.
Drinking to cope with stress often becomes a nightly pattern for this reason.
If evenings are where this shows up most, this will help:
Why This Is Not a Willpower Problem
Trying to stop drinking to cope with stress without changing anything else does not work.
You are removing the coping tool without replacing the coping strategy.
You are still dealing with:
the same level of stress
the same environment
the same patterns
So of course it feels hard.
The solution is not to try harder.
The solution is to build something that actually supports you.
If you are stuck in the stress to drink cycle
Different coping strategies will be helpful.
And it's also vital they change the pattern they are stuck in.
If you have been trying to stop drinking to cope with stress and keep ending up back in the same place, it is not a lack of effort.
It is that the underlying drivers of the pattern have not been addressed.
This is exactly the work I do with clients. We identify what is actually driving the behaviour, reduce reliance on alcohol, and build routines that work in real life.
If you are ready for that level of support, you can apply here: holandwell.com/the-freedom-method
What Actually Helps Instead of Drinking to Cope With Stress
This is where most advice falls flat.
Because the answer is not to simply "not drink" or "do something healthier."
It is to understand what you actually need and respond to that need directly.
1. Create a Clear Transition Out of Your Day
One of the biggest drivers of stress drinking is the lack of a transition.
If you move straight from work into responsibilities and exhaustion, your brain will look for relief.
Alcohol becomes the shortcut.
Instead, build a pause:
a walk
a shower
a few minutes of quiet
Something that signals the day is done.
2. Reduce the Intensity of Your Evenings
You do not need to optimize your evenings.
You need to make them less demanding.
That might look like:
ordering food instead of cooking
going to bed earlier
doing less
You are not trying to be productive.
You are trying to rest and restore after a full and busy day. You are not a robot; you cannot expect yourself to be productive 24/7.
3. Replace the Function, Not Just the Drink
If alcohol has been helping you relax, disconnect, or create space, removing it without replacing that function will leave a gap.
Instead, ask what you actually need in that moment and build from there. Things to consider:
how are your energy and stress levels?
have you eaten enough today?
are you sufficiently hydrated?
have you moved your body today?
have you been outside?
4. Understand Your Triggers
Stress is not just external.
It is also:
internal pressure
expectations
perfectionism
lack of boundaries
people pleasing tendencies
Until you can see those patterns clearly, alcohol will keep feeling like the easiest option.
5. Get Support
This is the part most women skip.
They try to figure it out alone. And worse, they assume they should be able to figure this out on their own, which often keeps them stuck in the patterns they desperately want to change.
But changing your relationship with alcohol, especially when it is tied to stress, is much easier with structure and support.
A Quick Reality Check
👉🏼 If alcohol were actually managing your stress effectively, you would be less stressed by now. Period.
If You Are Ready to Change This Pattern
If you are tired of drinking to cope with stress and want something that actually works, you do not have to keep doing this alone.
Inside private coaching, we:
unpack the patterns driving your drinking
build strategies that work in real life
support you through the process of change
If you are ready for that level of support, apply for support here: holandwell.com/the-freedom-method
If you are instead looking for community and on-going support in changing your relationship with alcohol, you can learn more about
The Well Circle here: holandwell.com/well-circle
FAQ: Drinking to Cope With Stress
Why do I drink more when I am stressed?
Because alcohol provides fast, temporary relief. Your brain learns to associate it with relaxation, even though the long-term effects make stress worse. It is also easy to access, socially encouraged and normalized meaning we don't question it or if it's the best option to support you.
Is it normal to drink to cope with stress?
It is common and has become normalized but that does not mean it is effective or helpful long-term.
What can I do instead of drinking when I am stressed?
Focus on what you actually need, whether that is rest, transition, or support, and choose something that meets that need directly.
How do I stop drinking when I am stressed at night?
You need a plan for your evenings, not just a decision. That includes changing your routine, environment, and how you respond to stress in the moment.
Why do I drink every night when I am stressed?
Because your brain has learned to associate the end of the day with relief through alcohol. When you are tired and depleted, that pattern becomes harder to interrupt without a plan.
The Bottom Line
Drinking to cope with stress is not a personal failure.
It is a pattern that's developed over time in response to an unmet need.
And the good news is patterns can be changed.
Not by trying harder but by understanding what is driving the behaviour and building something that actually supports you instead.
Cheering you on, always 🫶🏼
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